Big Sister
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Post movie: An argument leads to Anna releasing her pent up anger at Elsa for how she "protected" her all those years. Yet after struggling to figure out if she was being unfair or not, she gets to see Elsa stand up for her like a true big sister after all.


**Obvious spoilers here and there for Frozen**

Anna hated missing out on so much with Elsa for 13 years. Except this part. Big time.

Maybe since Elsa hadn't gotten to lecture past Anna about her goofing off, setting a good example for the kingdom and about proper royal behavior, it was worse now than it would have been. It sure couldn't get any worse now.

"Don't you understand? I'm trying to protect you!"

And then there was that.

And then came all this.

Anna had made a habit of speaking without thinking. However, it usually yielded in goofy babbling, awkward small talk or a lack of tact with dignitaries.

The second Elsa used the word "protect," Anna truly wasn't thinking. She was too busy remembering when Elsa used that word before – and in what painful, lonely, childhood ruining context. Yet she still dared to use it even now. When Anna was annoyed enough as it was.

Although blue was the dominant color in Arendelle, Anna saw nothing but red. Which led her to say, "You know what, don't bother! You're lousy at it anyway!"

On the best of days, even those who still feared Elsa wouldn't take that tone. On just about every day, no one thought Anna could have it in her. Not even Elsa.

That didn't mean it hadn't been building for 13 years. Now without warning to either sister, it was done waiting to escape.

"Anna, keep it down," Elsa said carefully. But that wasn't the best move either.

"Why, am I embarrassing you? Are you gonna lock yourself up to hide from my shame? Way to copy yourself!" Anna spouted out.

"Anna, I know you understand better than that," Elsa said, a little frostier this time. That helped much less.

"I understand. I understand what protecting means too," Anna frowned. "It means hiding, even from the only person you have left. It means making them think no one in the world can stand them. It makes them think there's something horribly wrong with _them_, when it's really _you_!"

When Anna's emotions usually got out of control, it was odd and off putting to those who didn't know better. It seemed when her anger was out of control, it was pushing her to another extreme. A more bitter, dormant and scarred extreme that could rival Elsa's. Even without powers.

"Haven't you done enough to make me feel ashamed of myself?" Anna accused. "Haven't you done enough _protecting _me? Like I said, you're horrible at it!" she repeated, before glancing at a portrait of their late parents. "And they were, too!"

"All right, that is _quite_ enough!" Elsa got more fed up.

"Exactly! I thought I might have a big sister for the first time. I guess all I have is the Queen," Anna said, stopping just short of adding "Snow" before Queen.

"You want to keep pretending to be something you're not? At least come up with new material! We already know your protection ruined my life – sorry, I mean, _saved _it!" Anna said sarcastically. "I think we've proved it quite _enough_ already, don't you?"

With that, Anna turned around and stormed away – believing she was doing her best Elsa impression. However, Elsa never turned around and added, "Don't bother coming to my door! You lost that right a long time ago!"

But Anna did say it. Then she turned back around a second after Elsa reacted. And she just kept walking.

After going in circles at least three times, Anna figured she had to go inside somewhere. In case Elsa ignored her last comment, Anna had to head somewhere she'd never think to look for her.

As she figured, the royal stateroom was perfect.

The boring room where boring advisors told boring Elsa about boring royal boring business. No one would find Anna there in a hundred years. Just in case, she went in the boring closet and hid behind the boring coat rack, in case boring hours were extended into night.

The boring puns held Anna for a few more minutes. Then she found herself feeling good for finally standing her ground. Telling Elsa everything she didn't know about 'protecting' people, and her. Like she needed her to do that now.

In the heat of the moment, Anna didn't take in everything she said. So remembering it now was bound to be good.

_"Are you gonna lock yourself up to hide from my shame? Way to copy yourself!" _Yeah, that was a clever one.

_"It makes them think there's something horribly wrong with them, when it's really you!"_ A little rougher, but it had to be said. It did.

_"Like I said, you're horrible at it! And they were, too!"_ Bringing Mom and Dad into it did….come out of nowhere. Just a little. I mean, it was all their fault first, but the real target was Elsa. Right?

_"I thought I might have a big sister for the first time. I guess all I have is the Queen." _Okay….that could have been said much better. If it needed to be said by then. Maybe it was overkill by that point.

_"You want to keep pretending to be something you're not? At least come up with new material_!" Wow. Okay, that was overkill.

_"Don't bother coming to my door! You lost that right a long time ago!"_ Oh boy. There was no need for that. Wasn't there?

And then that split second of Elsa's reaction came flashing back. A reaction that made her look more….pained than she was at the ball. Or at the ice palace when she kicked her out. Maybe even when Anna froze, for all she knew.

Maybe even when she ignored Anna in her room. Elsa did tell her over and over how much she hurt then. Yet Anna still went so far to say….

_Wow. I can be a real brat sometimes, _Anna realized.

Anna felt the impulse to run out and apologize to Elsa. To wipe that horrible sad look off her face and tell her she didn't mean any of it.

Yet why did she still feel like she did?

For once, Anna held back her spur of the moment impulses. Perhaps if she did that while playing around today, Elsa wouldn't have lectured her to begin with.

But what did she know about it, when she never ever let herself have fun? Why should she scold Anna for having the fun neither of them had before – and all because of _her_?

Great, there she went being unfair again.

Anna knew it wasn't like Elsa wanted to do it. Well, now she knew. But she thought Elsa did it because she hated her, and look how wrong that was. It was so wrong….

…..and now Anna saw how that only made it worse.

It would have been one thing for Elsa to shut Anna out because she hated her. That was a totally reasonable reason to hold a grudge. Knowing she did it because she was scared, forced to do it by their parents, and was so terrified of hurting Anna because she loved her so much….how was Anna supposed to be mad about that?

And that made it so unfair.

She had so many good reasons to be furious at Elsa. 13 years of loneliness, shame, and thinking she wasn't good enough for the only person left in her whole world. Heck, she had lots of reasons to be mad at her parents too. All their ways of loving and protecting her cost her everything, and it was a miracle – some would and had said naivety – that Anna could still love _anything_.

But Elsa hated it even worse than Anna did. And their parents were dead. So how would it make Anna look to hate them anyway? Even for really, really good reasons that were every bit as good as _their _reasons? Yet _Anna _was the brat?

She never really had a big sister, she was right about that! And she turned out just fine, no matter what Elsa thought!

Yet Elsa never had a little sister, either. And Anna _knew _she wasn't fine about it. She really did. She should have remembered before she went too far and made her look that…..guilty.

So that meant all of Anna's pain and heartbreak didn't have a right to exist? Just because Elsa felt some too? Even with being the precious Queen to comfort her?

But that wasn't her choice. She didn't ask to lead a kingdom that still kinda feared her. No matter how much she apologized or tried to stay under control. And she'd tried so hard and given up so many things she didn't want to give up. Including Anna.

But now that she had her again, she had to watch Anna make things that much harder? After all the time she waited to have her sister back, _that _was her reward? How was that fair?

How was the rest of it fair to Anna either?

How could anyone stand thinking before they spoke like this? It really was overrated. Even if it could have prevented bratty, totally justified stuff. Stuff Anna was too mad and sad to think about anymore.

All she wanted to do was sleep. She was in no mood to make the trip to her room, though. Maybe this closet would be so uncomfortable, she could sleep and get Elsa's heartbroken face out of her head. Or stop thinking it was her own fault anyway.

Anna did none of those things the rest of the night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The stateroom was much louder and more crowded in the morning. Royal advisors, dignitaries, power brokers and other important Arendelle officials were debating the issues of the day. Yet the most important figure had been quiet the whole time.

Elsa wished the noise was helping her stay awake. After her sleepless night, she could have used a pick-me-up. Anything to distract her – but this wasn't cutting it.

If being the Queen was all she was, it said something that she couldn't even do this part. That was less helpful in taking her mind off….things. Faces. Terrible but kind of true words. Infuriatingly naïve and yet painfully accurate accusations. Frustrating yet important people she couldn't lose again, for any reason….

"Your Majesty?" a voice outside of Elsa's head finally got through.

"Oh! Mr. Andersen, my apologies," Elsa corrected. There was an important person she could do without. Yet she could at least pretend to listen to him. One person that hated her more than usual was enough today.

Elsa stayed quiet while the others carried on discussing "important stuff." As Anna reminded her in that sarcastic tone yesterday. Like _she_ was the one who had to appease these people, or keep them from making the citizens burn witch effigies of _her_.

No, only one sister got to be the carefree one. Only one of them got to play outside and be normal. Only one of them could avoid making people shiver – for one reason or another – whenever they walked by.

And for all her goofing off, _she _got to play the victim anyway? After all Elsa went through not to make her an _actual _victim?! That was truly fair.

Except for the part where it kind of was.

Besides, Anna was far easier on her than all the times Elsa imagined these arguments. Heck, since Elsa knew she would blow up like that eventually, she should have known how not to set her off. Using the p-word was the most obvious mistake possible, and Elsa still pulled it off.

Still, it wasn't that awful, by Elsa's high standards of awful. Until Anna actually asked her not to come to her door.

It was such poetic justice that Elsa almost felt pride. In between the heart shattering.

After all those past daydreams of coming to knock on Anna's door, all those times she thought she could find a secret way into her room….those fleeting moments in her queenly training where she wondered how Anna would lighten the mood, and the boredom.

The times Elsa just knew Anna was crying in her room, knowing one little visit could make her smile again. The knowledge that she was probably crying in her room last night and didn't want her….and that Elsa didn't have the guts to try anyway. Like a normal big sister would.

But how she could be normal at something she really wasn't? All she was was….

"Your Majesty? Do you agree?" another voice broke through. One of the ambassadors, it looked like.

"Oh! I, well….I think the matter needs more debate," Elsa covered up, hoping to bide time until she could recognize the issue. "Let's take three more minutes on it, then move on to the next topic."

No one argued, so Elsa took that as a victory. She could take it as other things, but even a fake victory might help her focus again.

"Head in the clouds powers, those are new. Wonder who she got _those _from?"

Unfortunately, Elsa focused so well that she could overhear Mr. Andersen's quiet comment. And guess who he meant the "who" to be in that sentence.

Was Elsa that….icy in mocking Anna's "head in the clouds" powers? She couldn't be. That easily distracted mind was probably her only source of childhood fun. Why didn't she have the right to daydream and ignore reality once in a while? What had reality ever done for her?

Unfortunately, Elsa heard reality again in Mr. Andersen's next whisper.

"At least _big sister _has an excuse for acting like a freak."

And all went red.

"_What. _Did. You. Say?" said the most terrifying voice anyone in that room had ever heard. That included the owner of it.

"What? I, um….who do you mean, Your Majesty?" Mr. Andersen had the gall to deny nervously.

"I'm pretty sure that was _my _question," Elsa spoke in a complete sentence – technically wrong but nowhere near caring. And with the sounds of icy wind building up, no one dared correct her.

"Well, um….my answer is I don't know. You must have heard things," Mr. Andersen immediately flinched at his words.

"Things like you hinting my sister was a freak. Those things?" Elsa frowned deeper. "You're too afraid to insult me, so you settle for her. Is that it?"

"No, that's not it! I don't care which one's the freak, I swear! Oh…" Mr. Andersen saw his latest mistake.

"Well, I do," Elsa felt herself ready and willing to let go. Or rather, make him let go of being in this castle. A nice gust to send him through the window should do the job.

This was exactly what she needed. Now she was truly protecting Anna. Defending her from people who had no right to scorn her like they scorned Elsa. When she was done here, no one would make that mistake again. They'd all be too afraid to!

Too afraid to insult Anna's name. Too afraid to mock and belittle her.

Too afraid to even talk to her….

Too afraid to go near Anna for fear of someone getting hurt. And yet again, she'd have no idea why. She'd think it was all her fault soon enough….that something was wrong with her when _nothing _was….

Nothing wrong except the curse of being near her "big sister." Who she was ashamed of enough.

Elsa felt the chill from her growing fury, as everyone else waited and cringed for it to blast Mr. Andersen.

Instead, Elsa did the one thing she was actually good at. Concealing. This time, the difference was she didn't feel any less.

She was still so furious on Anna's behalf. But as soon as her anger got under control, she made herself brave enough to use it in a different way. She was going to truly defend her sister – by trying something truly foreign to her.

Sharing how she felt. And not just her anger.

When the wind quieted down and the storm clouds dissolved inside and out of the castle, Elsa felt another burst of strength gathering. One she had to act on now, before she lost her nerve. The temptation to run away, or go back to her original plan for Mr. Andersen, was still formidable.

Elsa always took the plan with the least risk, to herself and others. Considering the risk she ran with those first two plans, she pretty much had to take this option. Even if she doubted she was strong enough to carry it out.

_She_ would be, though. She was the brave one. So Elsa would look to her. For strength, if not the actual tactics.

Anna couldn't control her emotions enough to do this. Just as Elsa didn't usually have the guts to open up. Maybe it was finally time to bring them together.

As Elsa did so, Mr. Andersen stopped cringing behind his chair – and fooling himself in thinking that would help. Once she had his attention, Elsa felt ready.

"I'm well aware that…not all of you are fully comfortable with me," Elsa said in her most diplomatic voice. Doing it while fighting back total rage made this more impressive, though. "Even if you don't call me a freak, monster or a witch out loud, I know some of you still think it. And trust me when I say I understand."

Elsa brushed aside memories of calling herself those names for 13 years, continuing, "After what I did, I still have a long way to go to gain your trust. And I will dedicate the rest of my reign….the rest of my life….to earning it. To being worthy of your devotion, support and love. At least to those who would give me a chance," she spared a glare to a still defensive Andersen.

"That is my cross to bear. But I will _not_ let it be my sister's," Elsa got to the point. "She has done nothing to earn any of it. In fact, if it wasn't for her, we'd be ruled by a usurper right now! We wouldn't have an Arendelle, and you might not even be here, if not for Anna!"

"Well….the usurper wouldn't have come that close if not for her too. Right?" Mr. Andersen meekly offered. "I mean, she fell for him in minutes and put him in charge while you were….away. I'm not wrong about that," he got a little bolder. But Elsa's glare put him back into cowering mode.

"Maybe not. Everything else is another story," Elsa took a few breaths to stay in control. "We owe our open doors, our very way of life, to my sister. Some of us owe far more to her than others. No matter what her….quirks are, she wouldn't be Anna without them. And she wouldn't be….a far braver and wiser leader than I could hope to be. We could _all _stand to remember that."

Elsa no longer felt controlled by anger – but she had to reach her main points before other emotions took over. "I can't stop you from thinking what you think about me. Not yet. I've felt the same way, and worse, every time I…."

Every time she heard Anna cry in the halls and did nothing. Every time she wanted her around, regardless of the risks. Every time she saw her play by herself in the snow. Every time her powers almost killed her. Both times she finally got angry over it all.

But sharing all that with these people….Elsa wasn't ready to be that open yet. For Anna's sake as much as her's. "Every time I let Anna down," she settled on.

"You think and say what you want about me, if you must. As long as it doesn't destabilize this kingdom. And I _will_ do everything in my power to change your minds," Elsa promised. Her deep frown returned when she added, "But no matter what….my sister is off limits. To _all _of it."

The audience trembled in a far different way than usual around Elsa, as she laid down the law. "You will show her all the respect you might not be ready to give me. You will never forget the debt you all owe her, even if it can never be repaid. And whatever mistakes I make will _not _reflect on, or come back to her."

"What if we….forget?" Mr. Andersen asked, more out of nerves than making an actual threat. "What happens then?

"Nothing. Not from Anna, anyway. I would assume," Elsa answered. "She doesn't care what people think of her. No matter what you say or do, she'll still be proud of who she is. As she should be. And it would take extreme measures for her to use that….powerful right hook of hers," she said with her first chuckle of the day.

"No, Anna is far more secure and merciful than all of us. She taught herself that. She did it so, so well. So she'll be fine no matter what we do. Whether we protect her or not," Elsa admitted, as those other, sadder emotions began taking hold. She figured she only had one more righteous burst left in her now.

To that end, she centered it on Mr. Andersen, as she warned, "But if I _ever _hear her name being slandered again, in front of us or behind our backs….I _will _forget how much I want to be like her."

Now it was perfect. She defended Anna without using her powers on them. Without making them live in fear of either sister. Not more so, anyway. It was just as well, since she was running on empty by now, anyway.

"I believe that's enough royal business for today. My sincere apologies to all the gentlemen in the room," Elsa mustered up, with an almost sarcastic glare at Mr. Andersen. "Good day to all of you."

With that, Elsa walked out of the stateroom as regally as she could. Before long, Mr. Andersen picked himself up, and everyone else made sure to steer clear of him as they left.

Once Mr. Andersen found his way out, no one was around to hear the pent up sobs behind the closet door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Anna didn't know how long it took her to dry her eyes and calm down. All she knew was that when she did, she had to find Elsa.

After making sure the coast was clear – of gentlemen and otherwise – she left the stateroom to start looking. She would save knocking on Elsa's door as a last resort, which made her hope she found her much earlier. If she was actually in there and willing to open it, even after Anna made her think her door was closed….despite not actually being in her room.…

Well, Anna would cross that confusing bridge when she got to it. Hopefully she wouldn't have to.

But just then, she found the slightest less ironic answer to her search.

Elsa was in the exact hallway from yesterday's fight. Facing the exact portrait of their parents that Anna yelled at. Now it seemed she was the one talking to it.

"I finally felt like a…." Elsa seemed to mutter, yet she didn't finish the sentence. She started another one with, "But why did I say it to _them _first? Why couldn't I just say it to her?"

"I think I heard it fine," Anna impulsively said, altering Elsa. She though she saw a little flurry escape her hands in shock, but it was harmless. This felt less so, in a way.

"Anna! I, um, I was talking about…." Elsa couldn't finish. If it was Anna, she would have rambled on with countless, crazy, barely logical excuses. Yet Elsa wasn't as good at rambling – not when her go-to method for so long was closing off with no explanations.

In these first weeks of their new relationship, Elsa had just let Anna ramble when she was in a jam. In fact, she was almost amused and….fond when that happened, at least when she wasn't mad. Now Elsa looked confused and ashamed of being caught – in more than one thing – but Anna was going to take a page from her book.

Anna gave Elsa a few moments to settle down. When she did, Anna went to her and calmly got some words in edgewise, like Elsa would at the end of Anna's blabber. These words would be different, though.

"I'm not always proud of myself. Not when I really shouldn't be," Anna admitted. "Not when I make things harder that I….really don't mean to."

Elsa read between the lines and sighed. It was good she had a few minutes to accept that Anna had heard everything - somehow. With her luck, it wasn't a shock. Maybe that didn't mean it was bad luck, though.

It took everything Elsa had to push aside a lifelong motto, and open up to those people. But those weren't the people she owed it to. If she gave them that, she owed Anna so much more. Yet she didn't know where to begin – or how she would stand it when it all poured out.

Perhaps she could just share the most important thing first. Get that out of the way.

"You don't make things harder, Anna. If anything…." Elsa paused, if only to figure out the right words. She chose, "You don't need me to protect you. You don't need anything from me at all….not the things that really matter. You know more about that than I ever will."

"Elsa…." Anna tried to give her an out. Sharing was one thing, but if insulting herself was how she was doing it – after Anna did it quite enough yesterday –

"I mean it. You don't really need me. The truth is…." Elsa made herself forget how this would sound from a queen, or a big sister. But she was hardly normal, or qualified, at any of those tasks. Not without….

"I need _you_," Elsa confessed quietly. When the implications and irony washed over her, she held back a little icicle of a tear and admitted, "And I know that's not fair."

Anna wanted to disagree until she was even bluer than Elsa. She didn't know if that would actually help, though. When she let her words get away from her, anything could happen, and this was too risky for that. She couldn't keep herself under control and say beautiful, awesome things for Elsa, like she did for Anna.

But Anna had to try. She would look to Elsa and make herself try.

"There's a lot of things I need too," Anna assured. "Like making sure I avoid that Andersen guy. Or a better schedule for play time. Or learning how to take down people who insult….loved ones without my hook! That I need lessons on!"

Smiling in relief as Elsa stopped sniffling, Anna told her, "I can't think of anyone better to teach me than my big sister. And now we have every chance in the world."

Elsa steadied herself before she sniffled for different reasons. It was one thing to start believing she could do the job after all. It was another to have Anna believe it and mean it.

Whenever Elsa read stories involving big sisters – when she could stand to read them – she understood the concept of what they were supposed to do. Big sisters were the first ones to have their little sister's backs. They watched out for them, believed in them, never let them feel unloved and helped teach them how to survive on their own. No matter how far out they went on their own, that would never change.

Anna had gone so far on her own. Maybe far enough that Elsa _had_ to make it sound like Anna still needed her. If she still believed she did anyway….

Elsa had kept Anna away and denied her own selfishness for years. Perhaps she was entitled to some after all this time. If that gave her enough time to figure out the other normal big sister tricks….it probably couldn't be helped.

"Well, I did say I'd had enough royal business for today," Elsa remembered. "And I can always get scolded by my advisers later. I'm surprised they haven't tracked me down already."

"They probably have to stop shaking in their boots first," Anna semi-joked. "We got a lot of time before that happens."

"_We've_ got," Elsa couldn't help but correct. Big sisters tended to talk better too. Normal ones weren't still so amazed at saying any deviation of "we" though. Not in front of their "little" sister.

"However it goes, we should get comfy waiting," Anna rolled her eyes. "I know we both haven't been comfy for a while." Anna knew she wasn't after sleeping in that closet. But she suspected Elsa wasn't either, even in that royal bed.

If her's didn't work….

"Do you wanna…." Anna paused, only semi-deliberately. Instead of asking about a snowman, however, Anna finished, "….go in my room and lie down? And then just….talk when we're better?"

Anna may have been naïve, but she still knew things. She knew her leftover anger wasn't all gone yet. After 13 years of it, she probably only cleared out four or five years last night. Inevitably, she'd fight with Elsa again, cause more trouble than she should, and be as frustrated with Elsa as she'd be with her.

But having that anger was worth it, as long as she was capable of still feeling love. Being annoying was worth it, if she still knew how to make it right. Being a lousy sister was even okay sometimes, as long as she actually had one to get better with.

Even having the power to make Elsa so miserable….Anna could live with that.

If she could also make Elsa smile as big as she was right now, then she felt like the best little sister in the world.

And someday, she'd learn to really be that wonderful. Just like her big sister.

**THE END**


End file.
